The Dinosaurs (Jim Henson) Story
by CoolCat9
Summary: We really need more JH's Dinosaurs fanfics 'round these parts. Read and please review! Crackfic. New York Times Best Seller.
1. Chapter 1

Robbie the dinosaur walked into his volcano household. His father Earl, the Mighty Megalosaurus, was sitting at the table.

"Hi son!" roared Earl, "how was your day?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAY!" Robbie screamed, tears in his eyes. Everyone was laughing. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Robbie's sister Charlene came into the room, her breasts tightly compressed in a top that said "Ice Me Baby" (AN: the female dinosaurs have boobs in this story). Everyone was laughing.

"Brother? Can you tell us what's wrong?" said Charlene. Everyone was laughing.

"THERE ARE MEN TRYING TO VIOLATE ME," Robbie said. Everyone was laughing.

"Knew it," said Earl. Everyone was laughing. "Ever since the big freeze blew over and our show ended, horny boys and girls who aren't actually girls started popping up everywhere. I mean, it's okay to be gay, but forcing people to be gay, that's no good!"

Everyone was laughing. Earl the fat dino got up and continued.

"And I know it's okay to be trans, ONLY If deep down you feel you're the wrong sex. If you are doing it to gain attention… if you are doing it to peep on the opposite gender in their bathrooms… if you are doing it because your gay and want to sneakily turn other guys gay… THAT'S NO GOOD!"

Everyone was laughing. Earl reached behind him and pulled out a large hunting rifle. Everyone was laughing.

"With that public service announcement out of the way," Earl continued, "if any degenerate wants to violate my son, daughter, or my hot wife, they will have to get through me first!" Everyone was laughing. Then the pink baby dinosaur in a high chair (named "Baby") spoke up.

"What about me, not the mama?" Baby said. Everyone was laughing.

"NOT THE BABY! No one wants to violate the baby!" Earl replied. Everyone was laughing.

"Thanks dad," Robbie said, "I'm glad to live under the roof of a protective parent like you." Everyone was laughing. Robbie went upstairs, probably to jerk his beef jerky or something, and Charlene also walked out.

"Well," said Earl, "that went smoothly."

Everyone was laughing.

Earl turned his head.

"What is this, a Dan Schneider show? I hate that foot-lover's guts."

Everyone was silent.

Earl aimed his rifle and started shooting rounds.

Everyone was screaming.

(Meanwhile)

Robbie entered his room and went to his desk. He opened his laptop, turned it on, opened his internet browser, and was about to do a search when the computer suddenly BSODed.

"What the hell?" Robbie said. He read the error message out loud.

"ERROR: Exception at 0x08675309… Driver overload, exceeded limit… I don't get it."

Suddenly a mysterious man crawled out of the laptop's screen! Robbie shrieked as he backpedaled to his navy-covered bed. The mysterious man was blue and half-man, half-machine. He had a red hairdo and a green emblem on his chest. It was… Megabyte!

"Greetings fellow reptilian," Megabyte said.

"What do you want?" asked Robbie, "You're the idiot who got our show cancelled!"

"Oh, I and a few interdimensional conquers come here often to steal the tables from your local tavern." said Megabyte.

Soon a portal opened in Robbie's room. a man stepped out of the portal. He was muscular and wore little. He had on a skull mask and big cape. It was… Shao Kahn!

Another man then stepped out of the portal. He sort of looked like Darth Vader except he wasn't Darth Vader. He had a long head with his left eye exposed. He was carrying a staff with a hornet engraved into it. It was… Gorm!

The three men headed over to Robbie's door as the portal closed.

"We apologize for the intrusion," Gorm said while looking at Robbie. Shao Kahn opened the door and all three left the room.

"Well that was weird." said Robbie.

(Meanwhile)

Fran was in the kitchen cooking for the family. Tonight was a special dish: Fried squirrel with barley and basil! Earl, who was near the lovely dinosaur lady, sniffed the air.

"MMMMMMMM! That smells delicious!" Earl said.

"The air in the kitchen is always richer when the oven's running," said Fran.

As Earl enjoyed the aroma of preparing fine dining, he caught sight of Megabyte, Gorm, and Shao Kahn coming down the steps.

"Excuse me for a moment." Earl told Fran.

"Ok." Fran said.

Earl walked to the base of the house's staircase and looked at the three men.

"WHAT, ARE YA DOIN, IN MY HOUSE?" Earl yelled.

"Oh, we were just leaving." said Shao Kahn.

"Good. GET OUT." said Earl. The Mighty Megalosaurus ushered the otherworldly invaders through the front door and shut it.

"I don't need Megabiter and his mayhem men in any occasion…" Earl muttered to himself.

"Hey Earl," Fran said from the kitchen, "Dinner's almost ready. Can you please get the kids?"

"Sure thing, honey." Earl went up the stairs and knocked on Charlene's door.

"What is it, dad?" Charlene roared. Earl began to open the door.

"Hey sweetie, Just wanted to let you know that it's… GAH!" Earl's eyes widened with shock as he realized what he was seeing. Charlene was in her bed, which was normal. But there was a blue spiky dino guy also in the bed. He was named Spike. Both he and Charlene were wearing... not much.

"Spike…" said Earl in a bitter tone, "WHAT, ARE YA DOIN, IN MY HOUSE? (part 2.)"

"Oh hi Mr. S!" Spike said, "Me and Charlene were having an amazin' time. I'm sure she'll soon be a great parent like your spouse."

"Hold on." Earl took a moment to process what Spike was implying.

"WHAT?!" Earl yelled loudly, "YOU IMPREGNATED MY DAUGHTER?"

"Uh oh," Spike said.

Earl ran to the bed. He grabbed and picked up Spike, who was clad only in his boxers (AN: The dinosaurs also wear pants in this story). Earl carried the spiky scavenger to the window and tossed him outside. Earl looked down and saw Spike slowly getting up. Spike then took off running.

"Nuts. I thought that fall would kill him." lamented Earl. He then turned to his daughter.

"Charlene," Earl said, "You are to never see Spike, ever, EVER again."

"But I love him!" protested the dinosaur girl, "Just because he's a freeloader doesn't mean I can't marry him!"

"No butts or asses!" Earl said, "Also, when you lay his egg, BRING THE EGG TO ME. No questions. Now clean yourself and come down for dinner."

"My heart is too broken for dinner," said Charlene with a sob.

Earl thought about this. "You know what? I think your right. Consider no dinner punishment for sleeping with a hooligan." Earl then shut the door behind him.

Charlene collapsed into her bed.

(cut to next day)

Earl was sitting down in the living room reading a book called "To Catch a Scavenger". Robbie walked down the steps and greeted him.

"Hey dad!" Robbie said.

"Hey son." Earl said, "Are you thinking about going to Spike? He won't be living real long."

"Um, what?" Robbie said with a puzzled expression.

"Oh, I meant, at dinner last night you mentioned a portal opening in your room. Can you tell me more about that?"

"It's gone now," said Robbie, "I'm going to hang out with Wendy. Things are going pretty well with her now that her father's out of the picture."

Earl smirked. He remembered the day of that horrible accident that killed B. P. Richfield. It was probably the best day of his life, even if it did kill a lot of pelicans.

"Okay, have fun with Wendy!" Earl said. As Robbie went out the front door, Earl quickly darted up the steps and broke into his son's room. Robbie was the only one who had a computer. Earl never thought of getting a computer for himself, even after getting a big pay raise from his new manager. Earl turned on the computer and opened the web browser. He did a few things.

"Addresses of people named Spike… Aha! Bingo!" Earl then exited Robbie's room and bumped into Fran in the hallway.

"Earl, where are you going?" asked Fran.

"I'm going to get groceries!"

"I thought we got groceries two days ago. Also what were you doing in Robbie's room?"

"Nothing important. About the groceries, you forgot to get King Neptune's Poseidon Powder. The baby will eat anything with it."

"I didn't know you cared that much about the little one. Okay, be back soon."

With his wife out of the way, Earl went down the stairs and opened the front door. He came face to face with a yellow man loitering in front of his house. Homer Simpson!

"Hey, big guy!" Homer rudely said.

"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?" yelled Earl.

"I dunno, I'll tell you what, with Fox in control, we're still skipping da meadows!"

"I'll let you know," Earl said as he strangled the man like the man does his son, "Your zombie presence on the airwaves is the only thing keeping Jim Henson's Dinosaurs from getting a proper reboot. Also when Disney buys Fox out, don't expect them to keep you running, and don't expect a reboot of your shit show for another hundred years." With that, Earl kicked Homer into the sky and the fat bastard was flying like a rocket, complete with sparkle.

Earl then got inside his car and drove off.

"Spike, you will regret the day you set foot on my daughter!" Earl said as he drove down the road.

Soon Earl came to the address he was looking for. He grabbed a baseball bat and got out of the car. He saw the door to the house open and a chubby thing come out.

Earl leaped into the air and repeatedly battered Spike with the bat. Then he heard a female scream from within the house.

"Spike! No!" A small saurolophus girl ran out of the house.

"I didn't know Spike had roommates," Earl thought to himself.

"No, no, no! You leave my brother alone!"

"Wait, brother?" Earl decided to actually look at the person he was beating up. The "Spike" at his feet was actually a green stegosaurus.

Earl had beaten up a random innocent that shared a name with the man who slept with his daughter, and that's terrible.

"Crap." Earl dropped the bat, ran back to his car, and hauled his ass out of there.

(to be continued)


	2. Chapter 2

The afternoon outside Meteor Tiki Lounge was interrupted when Earl hastily parked his car in the bar's parking lot. He got out and ran to the door of the establishment.

Earl walked into the bar, which was completely devoid of tables and everyone was enjoying their booze sitting down.

Earl looked at each of the patrons heads until he found the one he was looking for.

"Hey! Roy!" the Mighty Megalosaurus said.

"Pally boy!" the T. Rex near Earl said in glee. Earl proceeded to sit down next to Roy.

"So, whys everyone sitting down?"

"Oh, three bozos came into the bar last night and stole all the tables. The lounge is holding a "Floor for the week" event while they try to get new ones."

"Oh, ok," Earl said as he sipped his mug of frothy beer. He made a rapid head turn toward Roy.

"I did a terrible thing today…" Earl said sadly.

"Huh?" said Roy, "Did you do something like rampage through the HasBoys Toy Company factory and kill everyone? I've been trying to get a toy line made for years and they were always in the way!"

"Actually," replied Earl, "It was something less bad. You know Spike? The blue hooligan who slept with Charlene?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I tried to find his address and I tried to beat him up for violating my daughter, only to accidentally beat up a fat kid with his name." Everyone was laughing.

Roy's eyebrows darted upward in shock. "I can't believe it, Earl!" he said, "That's much worse than killing everyone at the toy factory! It doesn't benefit me at all!" Everyone was laughing.

"Roy, I haven't heard you call me by my name in a long time." said Earl. Everyone was laughing.

"That's because this is serious business we're dealing with!" Roy said. Everyone was laughing.

"For some reason I can't take you seriously…" muttered Earl. Everyone was laughing. Then the manager stepped into the room.

"Pardon the disruption, everyone," the manager said, "We've got Schneider's Bees loitering outside. Hold your thoughts while we spray them with poison."

After the audience of bees were sprayed and were dissolving outside, Earl continued his conversation with Roy.

"Much better," Earl said, "So what do you think I should do in this situation?"

"If I was you, Pally boy," Roy started, "I would probably apologize to that kid's mom for assaulting her son, and probably apologize to Spike for trying to kill him, if possible."

"Thanks Roy," said Earl, "I can always count on you to get me out of a hole."

"Yeah, whatever," said Roy as he sipped his mug of booze.

Earl then exited the Meteor Tiki Lounge, got into his car, and drove through the landscape of Pangea. Halfway home, Earl realized something. He pulled into a convenience store's parking lot and went into the convenience store.

Earl went up to the front desk, where a nice dinosaur lady was sitting.

"Excuse me," Earl said, "Do you have King Neptune's Poseidon Powder?"

"It's on aisle 12," replied the dinosaur lady.

"Thanks," Earl said. Earl navigated to aisle 12. He passed the aisle containing hardware and auto stuff, where he saw Megabyte, Gorm, and Shao Kahn bickering.

"We need the batteries!" Megabyte yelled, "The portal closed because you guys didn't think to provide power to it!"

"You didn't get here through OUR portal, You brat!" Shao Kahn said, "What we need is supplies to catch a pteranodon and drain it of its blood! That is how we can get back to my dimension!"

"Yes, I did park my ship in the outworld," said Gorm, "But I think batteries can come in handy to kickstart a warp."

"Wee batteries?" exclaimed Shao Kahn, "We should make a volcano erupt! The lighting from it is more than enough for a warp!"

"KAAAAAAAHN!" Yelled Megabyte as he shook his fists, "You know I can't take that much electrical interference!"

Earl shook his head and proceeded on his way to aisle 12, leaving the three interdimensional conquers to continue their squabble.

Earl then found what he was looking for and went to the check-out, paid for the powder, and stomped back to his car. Earl then made the trip back to his volcano house as the sun began its descent to the horizon.

Earl soon reached his home. He grabbed the Poseidon Powder, got out of his car and went inside. Baby was crawling on the ground, playing with blocks. He looked up at his father.

"Not the mama's home!" exclaimed Baby.

"Ya got that right!" roared Earl. He loomed over his child and continued, "You know how you always have dodged eating arctic fox?"

"YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ME EAT ARCTIC FOX!" yelled Baby, "I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF THAN EAT DISGUSTING CHUM!"

"Oh, you are going to eat it…" Earl paused as he pulled out the container of Poseidon Powder and shoved it in Baby's face, "...and with this stuff on it, YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT."

The baby looked at the label on the canister.

"KING NEPTUNES POSEIDON POWDER: THE SPICE THAT MAKES ANY GRILLED ITEM THE PERFECT DINNER!" The label read, "IF YOUR NAME IS SHELDON J PLANKTON, THIS IS NOT THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET INGREDIENT AND IT IS ALSO TOXIC TO ALL OCEAN-DWELLERS."

Baby crossed his arms, turned his head, and blew a raspberry.

"Your hours are numbered…" Earl said with a stern look. He went to the kitchen and put the Poseidon Powder in the cupboard. He then started heading up to the master bedroom.

"Perfect," Earl said to himself quietly, "I'll get a good night's sleep and think about this whole fiasco tomorrow." Earl opened the bedroom door and stood there in shock.

Fran was standing in the middle of the room, clad in only a bra and panties. Earl almost forgot he and his wife usually get intimate on Thursday nights, which this night was, but Earl wasn't really in the mood for intercourse. It seemed Fran wasn't in the mood either, as she had an angry scowl on her face.

"Earl Sneed Sinclair!" Fran said bitterly.

"I got the Poseidon Powder!" Earl said to save face, "You don't want to know what I had to go through to get it."

"What you went through indeed," said Fran, "One of my friends, Ura Bigmouth, called me. She said you ran up to her adopted son and beat him up earlier today. Is that true?"

Earl sighed. "Yes…" he said, "I'm extremely sorry. I'm planning to apologize to her tomorrow."

"Oh, no!" Fran said as she shook her head, "You are going to apologize today! Because if you don't, you're not getting tail tonight!"

"I'm not really in the mood for sex tonight…" said Earl.

"Then I'll make it no tail for a month!" said Fran, "You said you'd be more competent than Ralph Krampton for any potential reboots, please make true to your word!"

"Okay," said Earl. The Mighty Megalosaurus walked downstairs and strolled out of the house.

Not feeling like taking the car, Earl walked all the way to the Bigmouth household. He rang the doorbell and the little saurolophus girl was the one who opened the door.

"Mom!" the girl yelled into the house, "The man who hurt-ed Spike is back!"

"Get inside, Ducky!" A voice called. The little saurolophus ran away from the door as a bigger saurolophus walked into her spot. She stared angrily at Earl.

"You must be Ura?" Earl asked.

"Yes," the mother dinosaur confirmed, "What do you want?"

Earl cleared his throat. "I deeply apologize for beating up your son," he said sincerely, "The reason I acted the way I did was because a man with your son's first name slept with my daughter and got her pregnant. I had issues already with said man, and him violating my girl was the last straw. I felt the need to beat him up to show him what happens when you mess with my children, and now look what happened. I am extremely sorry for what I did and I promise I will never harm your son ever again."

Mrs. Bigmouth paused for a moment. Her frown did fade a bit, which was promising.

"I didn't know about the incident with your daughter…" she said, "I accept your apology. Want to come in for dinner?"

"What is this, a Family Guy episode?" Earl asked sarcastically. An inaudible drumroll and cymbal crash followed shortly after.

"I'm extremely tired," Earl continued, "so no thank you."

The two exchanged their goodbyes and Earl was soon heading home. On the way there, he heard rustling and saw something come out of the bushes.

"Cool! Arctic fox!" Earl said.

(to be continued)


	3. Chapter 3

It was nearing midnight. Spike (the one from the show this fanfiction is supposed to be about) was sitting in the dumpster of La Predateur and was texting with Charlene on his smartphone. You may be asking how these dinosaurs have smartphones, and I'll explain! Charlene is a spoiled girl, and Earl and Fran had to take extra jobs just to get her one so she'd shut up. Spike's smartphone was obviously stolen.

"Hey," texted Charlene.

Spike had a grin on his face. He began texting.

"I can't believe your father threw me out last night."

"You think that's bad? Wait until you hear this!"

"Waiting…"

"I heard my mom yelling at dad, I think he tried to kill you and got the wrong person."

"WHAT?" Spike continued typing, "okay that is it he is going down!"

"I don't think killing him is a good idea. He's trying to be a better father."

Spike decided not to respond. He went to sleep in the dumpster, getting ready to hitch a ride to the junkyard.

(The next morning [AKA Making something with Earl Sinclair])

Earl was at the kitchen stove. He picked up a big egg (which was the egg Charlene produced) and cracked it atop the pan over an open flame. He let it simmer as he went to the refrigerator.

Earl thought to himself: "It's nice to be doing the cooking for once, that's what good fathers do!"

Earl opened the fridge and took out the shivering arctic fox he captured last night. The fox was soaking wet, making her completely useless. In fact she was so useless she drank herself to sleep every night.

Earl opened the lid of a machine he set up on the counter. He then stuffed the prey into the machine and put the lid back on. Earl turned on the machine and let it do its thing while he went back to the giant omelette that was in progress.

There was a shriek inside as the machine produced whirring sounds. Soon, bite-size chunks of arctic fox meat came rolling out of a slot near the machine's bottom. They landed on a plate set by Earl, along with bits of blue fur and fabric. The carnivore's ketchup that was in all living things also oozed out.

Earl finished making the omelette and put his breakfast on a plate. He then grabbed the plate of arctic fox chops, and turned off the machine from which they came. Earl then looked at Baby, who was sitting in his high chair. Baby was looking at his father with an angry expression.

Earl grabbed the King Neptune's Poseidon Powder and opened it up. Peering inside, he noticed the stuff resembled a certian white powdery drug. Were people actually managing to sneak cocaine onto store shelves? Earl shrugged and sprinkled the powder all over the arctic fox meal he prepared for Baby. He then served the boy his meal.

"I'LL NEVER EAT ARCTIC FOX!" Baby yelled.

"You are going to eat it!" demanded Earl, "Otherwise you'll never leave your chair!"

Baby then picked up one of the meat chunks and flung it at his father. Earl growled.

"EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!"

"I'D RATHER DIE!" Baby then whimpered as a cocking sound rang through the kitchen. Earl now had his hunting rifle from the first chapter in his hands and was pointing the barrel at the baby.

"You really sure about that?" Earl asked.

Intimidated, Baby slowly grabbed another chunk of arctic fox meat. His hands shook as he put it in his mouth, and he slowly chewed and swallowed.

Suddenly, Baby's pupils grew big, and a grin manifested on the child's face. Some would even say his sclera started changing color. Baby then plowed his hands into the pile of processed meat. One by one they rapidly scooped the meat chunks into his now-gaping maw.

Lowering his rifle, Earl smiled at his success. His son was chowing down like a hungry monster on a food he always refused to eat, and that made Earl happy. Satisfied with his handiwork, the dinosaur father went back to his seat at the counter and started enjoying his own breakfast.

(meanwhile…)

Robbie was in the bed of his bedroom, wearing nothing and masticating under the covers. The guy was thinking happy thoughts. Suddenly, the glass in the window above his bed shattered as a blue blur came through. Robbie spit out the thing he was chewing on and screamed. He was lucky the covers protected his bare skin from the glass. The blue thing landed atop him on the bed and stared into his eyes… Megabyte!

"AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Robbie screamed, "PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME! I'M NOT A NAUGHTY PERSON! ALL THOSE DRAWINGS ON THE INTERNET WERE MADE BY TROLLS! I'M NOT FRED! I'M NOT VERY NAUGHTY! DON'T RAPE ME!"

Megabyte's eyes narrowed. "The only naughty thing I've seen you do is have your bed in front of a window," he said. Megabyte got off the bed and walked to the computer. From hammerspace, he pulled out two tables and set them down.

"Maybe instead of having a panic attack you should try getting a girlfriend," Megabyte continued as he pulled out a large battery pack.

"I...already...have…a..." Robbie said through his whimpering.

"pardon me, this may make a bit of noise." Megabyte did something. Then, there was a white flash and a loud bang. Robbie put his pillow over his ear holes too late. When the flash faded, Megabyte and the tables were gone! Robbie's computer screen flickered, but it soon went back to normal.

And then Fran came into the room because Robbie didn't lock the door.

"What was that?" The concerned mother asked. Robbie hid under the sheets because... well, let's just say Dinosaurs incest fanfics are REALLY popular. Thankfully Fran's attention was with the shattered window.

"Someone...came in here…" Robbie let out, "He's gone now."

"He probably used the window so he wouldn't interrupt Earl's breakfast…" Fran commented. She then exited the room, closing the door on her way out. Robbie breathed a sigh of relief.

(meanwhile)

Earl finished his omelette and looked at Baby. The boy was asleep on his high chair after savagely eating his arctic fox meal and he was covered in food. Earl then heard his wife coming down the steps and smiled.

"Good morning, honey!" Earl said.

"Morning, dear!" Fran replied.

Earl then looked at Fran, "I have to attend a WeSaySo meeting at Vaalbara Point," he said, "I'm going to take off now… to get there."

"But, Earl? What if something happens to you?" asked Fran.

"I'll take my rifle to protect me," said Earl, "If you don't hear from me by tomorrow evening, send Robbie!"

Suddenly, a blue head popped out of the window! IT WAS MEGABY- Just kidding, it was...

"Monica?!" Fran said in surprise. She was already surprised that her husband was planning on taking a gun to a business meeting, and Monica Devertebrae popping in didn't help matters.

(AN: In this story not only does Monica wear a full set of clothes (which are homemade due to her size) and have mammaries because of earlier ANs, she's bipedal as well. Also about her size: standing fully upright I'd say she's just shy of two (human house sized) stories tall, so she still needs to use the window to interact with the Sinclairs in their own house. Also she's a total SJW in here and this AN is getting WAY too long!)

"Don't worry about him, dear Frances." Monica said to Fran in a pitying tone, "Being the aggressive cool-colored male he is, it's obvious he will safely return."

"Enough," remarked Earl as he shooed Monica away. Turning back to Fran, he continued, "My train leaves at ten. I wonder what you'll make for dinner."

"Dinner?" Fran said.

"For tomorrow night; I plan to be back sometime the next day." Earl said.

"Oh, I haven't thought of that yet."

"Alright then," Earl blew Fran a kiss and waved, "I'll see you later!"

Then Earl exited through the front door of the volcano house, leaving Fran to get Baby cleaned once he wakes up.

(to be continued)


	4. Chapter 4

(Nearing midday, random junkyard in Pangea)

A dump truck decided to drop its load of disposable bags filled with dirty deserted items into one of many domes of dangling debris dominating the dump.

The truck took off on another trip to take the rest of the towns trash. No one noticed the navy-blue nodasaur (by one man's notion) nested with the nylon bags, and no rubber-suited worker recalled the renegade dino rolling out the rotating bin with the regular rubbish.

After the sacks were settled, Spike shot his head skyward, eyes searching for sanitation workers who might spot him. Satisfied, he sunk his skull into the sacks of sewage. Several seconds passed as the sacks and scrap shuffled around. Soon, Spike stepped out of the soiled stack.

The Jurassic juvenile was now armored in a jumble of junk, junk whose jagged edges jutted out just like Spike's previous protrusions. With his jacket and jeans jacked with jarring junk, he jettisoned from the junkyard, now on a journey to enact justice on Earl Sinclair.

Long story short: Spike walked out of the junkyard with more spikes than usual.

(later, at a random train station…)

Earl got out of his car and exited the parking garage. He looked at his watch.

"Huh, I got here forty minutes early," the Mighty Megalosaurus said. He looked toward the platform. There was already a train unloading. But it wasn't any train, it was… The Dinosaur Train!

Earl looked at who was getting out. He saw a Pteranodon family with their four kids, one of whom was a T. Rex. Following them was a family of iguanodons, a red T. Rex in a lab coat, A stegosaurus with a college cap, a blue triceratops with over-

Earl was frozen with fear when he saw who just got out of the train. His mind raced. That shouldn't be possible! There's no way this can be happening!

"B. P. Richfield!" Earl said in complete shock.

The triceratops looked his way and put on a faux smile.

"Sinclair!" Richfield said with faux emotion. The former manager made his way to Earl, whose body was steadily filling up with fear.

"You're supposed to be dead!" Earl screamed, "I saw you burning alive when that oil rig exploded! There's no way you should be here!"

"There's a simple explanation," Richfield said, "The Dinosaur Train is a time traveling train. After that incident occurred, a WeSaySo executive bribed the conductor to drop him off at a time before the thing happened. He informed me of what went on and dragged me with him to the present day. I'm a few years younger now; It's like a spa treatment!" Earl whimpered at what might happen.

"And before you ask," Richfield continued, "Mr. Ashland knows about this operation. If you try to kill me, he will personally chew you out and get me back with the same method." The Donald Trump wannabe laughed at his former employee, whose head was hanging low. As Richfield walked away, Earl thought this:

"I am not looking forward to this meeting."

As Earl sulked, he never noticed the commotion would later take place in the train station. On an unrelated note, the time traveling train just departed.

On the same station, the pteranodon family mentioned before was buying tickets for the inevitable return trip. Suddenly, one of the more notable children got their mother's attention. No, it wasn't the bastard son, it was the blue flyer girl.

"Mom, I need to go potty!" That's what she said.

"Okay, Shiny. Make it quick." That's what ye mother said.

Shiny then ran across the platform, past Earl who wasn't paying attention to the character from a Jim Henson property that didn't have puppetry, so it was in name only. Anyway, Shiny ran into the stall and did her business. She walked out feeling better with her panties and shorts pulled up. We had to mention that for those nuts who believe people keep their pants down when they exit bathrooms, and for those who didn't get the memo that dinosaurs wear pants in this story.

Out of nowhere, a huge flock of ravens intercepted Shiny. The girl screamed as a chase of birds through the ages began. The flock of birds lured Shiny into an alley where SHAO KAHN was waiting. The overlord from another dimension grabbed the pterodactyl girl.

"AGGGGHHH!" Tiny yelled, "DON'T RAPE ME!"

The mother pteranodon looked at her daughter who just randomly yelled in public that someone was going to rape her. It appears the author forgot which pteranodon sibling was actually abducted. After chastising Tiny for inappropriate behavior, the mother made a mental note to get her checked for schizophrenia. She also wondered what was taking SHINY so long. Anyway…

"AGGGGHHH!" SHINY yelled, "DON'T KILL ME!"

"Be patient!" growled Shao Kahn, "This will only take half a minute!" Producing a knife, he slit the girl's claw. Blood poured from the wound into a cup at Shao Kahn's feet. When the cup was half full, he sealed the wound with fire and put Shiny down.

"Tell your mommy you need an immediate blood transfusion." Shao Kahn said. The paling girl nodded weakly and limped away. The flock of birds that chased Shiny came into the alley and merged together to form… Gorm!

Shao Kahn held out the cup of blood. He said, "With this vial of pteranodon blood, I can tattoo dimensional travel tickets on skin and steel for a free train ride to outworld!"

Shao Kahn then drew a pterodactyl on his pec and drew the same thing on a portion of Gorm's armor with the blood. Now they were all set.

(back on the station)

Earl lifted his head to the horn of an oncoming train. His ride was here, but he was hesitant to take it after knowing this was probably the night B. P. Richfield would be back to pulling his strings. Said person came up and quickly patted Earl in an ushering kind of way.

"We'll have a fine meeting," Richfield said. Earl groaned as he was led into one of the train's passenger cars. Soon the train was chugging off to Vaalbara point.

(meanwhile at the Sinclair household)

Fran was in the middle of casually making herself and Baby lunch. Suddenly there was a growling noise. Fran turned to her child. He looked angry.

"Just practicing when someone other than Mama is here!" Baby was playfully doing the growling.

"Okay," Fran said as she turned her head back.

Fran was in the middle of continuing making herself and Baby lunch. Suddenly there was a growling noise. Fran turned to her child. He looked sick.

"Mama I think I ate too much arctic fox in the morning." Baby's stomach was doing the growling.

"Oh dear," Fran said as she turned her head back.

Fran was in the middle of ceasing making herself and Baby lunch. Suddenly there was a growling noise. Fran turned to her child. He looked confused.

"I swear that wasn't me this time, Mama!" The front door of the house was doing the growling.

"Wait, what?" Fran said as she didn't turn her head back.

The house's front door flew off its hinges as a blue spiky guy with more spikes made of junk charged in. The scene was so dramatic it made the already queasy Baby vomit and fill his diaper at the same time.

"Spike?" said Fran in astonishment. The blue guy came to a stop.

"Oh hey Mrs. S!" the hooligan said, "Do you know where your husband is?"

"Oh, he's at Vaalbara Point for a meeting," Fran answered calmly.

"Thanks!" Spike then rolled out the door. Literally.

Fran turned to Baby and saw the upchuck on the floor. Then Baby spoke up.

"Need a diaper change!"

The mother facepalmed.

(to be continued)


	5. Chapter 5

(Mid-afternoon, somewhere in the mountains)

Earl sat solemnly on the train as it rolled toward Vaalbara point. Currently he was listening to B. P. Richfield being a bragging boogerface with other WeSaySo reps at a table on the opposite side. As much as he wanted to scream, Earl kept himself from doing it. His dry throat definitely helped with that.

Earl looked out the window as his boss's conversation marched through his ear.

"So, Richfield," said one rep, a white ceratosaur named Oswald Overkill, "When you get back to your position as field manager, what direction do you plan to take your division?"

"I'll tell you what I'll do," said Richfield with confidence, "You know all the trees we've been pushing, I plan on using those to build a wall to keep all humans out of the city!"

"A wall, you say?" asked the other WeSaySo rep, whose name and species are not important.

"That's right, a magnificent wall!" Richfield exclaimed. He, Oswald, and the other rep began laughing together, just like the canned laughter in Dan Schneider's stupid shows.

Just then, the door to the passenger car opened and the service attendee walked in with a kettle in hand. She was a blue triceratops like Richfield, only nowhere near as fat and actually pretty curvy. The name tag on her uniform had the name "Trixie" on it. She stopped at the WeSaySo guys' table.

"Fresh tea, on the house!" she said as she filled the glasses of the company executives. She then noticed the three commuters were eyeing her in a certain way.

Then the unnamed rep quickly dropped a dissolvable pill into the spout of the attendee's kettle, to the alarm of Oswald, Richfield, and Trixie herself. No one knew exactly what Whatshisname's mindset was. Either he was aiming for her mouth and missed, or had the notion that the service lady test-drinks her own tea.

Trixie let out a sigh. Due to the speed at which NoName put the object in the kettle and her naivety, she believed the object was a dirty pebble.

"They don't pay me enough for this," she said as she began making her way back. Earl, who didn't see the kettle being roofie'd, noticed the lady and desperately asked for a drink.

"Sure," she said flatly, "I'm going to be cleaning that anyway." Earl took a huge gulp from the kettle and handed it back to the service lady, who then left to clean the container.

"Did you seriously try to pull a fast one?" Oswald asked the rep with no identity.

"Um, duh." answered the rep in a snarky fashion.

"That's NOT how you pull a fast one," said Richfield. Earl noticed he, the Mighty Megalosaurus himself, was getting woozy.

"Here's how you actually do it," Richfield continued, "You need to follow them innocently to a good place, and you need to grab them by the pu-"

Earl suddenly blacked out from the drugs that were in the tea. =/

(Later, at the Sinclair household…)

Fran walked into the master bedroom and shut the door behind her. She just finished cleaning the kitchen, and that was after she changed the baby's nappy. Thankfully, Fran didn't have any other chores that needed to be done today.

Fran then pulled out a strange object.

It looked like a staff of some sort, with a "colored stone" at the tip. Fran found the thing laying in the fridge. Apparently it came with the fox Earl got Baby to eat.

As she tried to get a closer look at the staff, the door to the bedroom suddenly opened. Startled, Fran dropped the staff and it hit the ground, causing the "colored stone" to shatter into millions of pieces. A faint blue puff of smoke was released.

"DAMN IT!" shrieked Fran, "I was done cleaning stuff today!" She turned to see who scared the crap out of her. It was Charlene, looking quite weary.

"Mom, can I talk with you for a moment?" asked Charlene.

"What is it, dear?" said Fran with a sigh.

"You know how dad tried to beat up Spike? The one that's not the stegosaurus kid?"

"Yeah?"

"I chatted with Spike last night. I think he wants to hurt dad!"

Fran suddenly realized why Spike came in earlier and asked about Earl's wereabouts. shocked, she let out an "Oh No!" then, she remembered something Earl said before leaving.

"If you don't hear from me by tomorrow evening, send Robbie!" the voice of her husband echoed through her head.

Fran was then immediately knocking on her "number one" sons door. Baby didn't get to be number one because the reference wouldn't make sense, and the baby is guilty of constantly asking Fran to be fed by her breast, despite becoming too old for that a year ago.

"What is it, mom?" Robbie said after opening the door.

"No time to explain," said Fran, "Actually there is. Your dad is in trouble! That freeloader Spike is currently out to attack him during his business meeting at Vaalbara Point! Since you're one of his best friends, we need you as a way to talk sense into him!"

Robbie's eyes went wide at what he was hearing. His own best friend… the guy who was like a second brother to him… the guy whom with he was paired with in countless creepy pictures by internet trolls, was now posing as an actual threat to his family.

"Spike would never act like this." Robbie said sternly, "I agree with you that we need to really do something!"

"Get in the car, kids!" Fran commanded, "We're going to the peaks of Vaalbara!"

(Meanwhile, back on the train…)

Earl awoke with a sore face. In his direct field of vision was Oswald, looking pretty grumpy with a hand extended.

"Wake up, Sinclair!" Oswald hollered as he slapped Earl in the face. He's been doing this for half a minute and only now is he getting results.

"Hey, what gives?!" snarled Earl, "If this was work, I'd be filing a report to OSHA right about now!"

"I believe we've landed at our destination," said Oswald in a mean tone, "The train wants to leave but can't because you're a lazy fat slob!"

"Okay, okay!" Earl said as he walked out of the passenger car. Wasn't "respect your employees" supposed to be a thing? As the green, small Godzilla reject got his feet on the ground, he took in the air of Vaalhala point.

The place was sheltered within the mountains, overlooking a great valley that wasn't The Great Valley. at the other end of the valley was a huge volcano enjoying a peaceful slumber.

Earl wandered through the town, looking for stuff to do before the meeting starts. The sun was quite low in the sky, so it probably wouldn't be too long of a wait.

(Cut back to Sinclair house)

The garage door was open and the Sinclair car was on standby. Inside, Baby was annoying Charlene in the back seat with a baseball bat, the same one Earl used to beat up a mute stegosaurus kid. Robbie was in the passenger seat, deep in thought. Fran was outside arguing with Monica.

"I'm not giving you my fuel just so you can rescue a cool-colored male from a cool-colored male." Monica said, "Let it be."

"Are you crazy? HE'S MY HUSBAND, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!" Fran shouted, "Don't be using your stupid politics as an excuse to not give us fuel! It's a long way out to Vaalbara and you told me you didn't have plans today or tomorrow. We only need just ONE gallon!"

"Maybe you should've married a warm colored person who doesn't go out and attack people."

"You know what? I had enough!" said Fran as she reached behind her back, "You and I both know we're actually cool-colored just like the men you claim to be hostile. Maybe witnessing cool-colored power from your own sex will knock you out of the tree!" With that Fran pulled out the staff she found in the freezer (with its colored stone long gone) and pointed it at Monica.

"Wait, hold up!" Monica said as she eyed the staff, "Where did you get that?"

"It came from a fox Earl found and fed to Baby."

"Thank you for good riddance!" Monica said abruptly with a faint cheerful tone, "I've been wanting to see the vermin who owned the staff dead for years! Personal reasons."

There was a slight pause as Fran lowered the weapon from her neighbor's face.

"Tell you what," Monica continued, "If I can take that staff, I'll use it as a trophy to display implied responsibility for killing said person, and use it to further my egotistical narrative. In return, I'll give you a gallon of fuel, and knowledge of a shortcut to get to Vaalbara point faster!"

"A shortcut? sounds good to me!" Fran said. She gave Monica the busted artifact, and the sauropod went into her garage to get the fuel.

Back in the car, Baby was continuing to annoy Charlene with the baseball bat.

"Not the Mama ate your son, E-I-E-I-O~!" sang Baby while swinging the bat.

"With your son dead there's only one~,

ME-I-ME-I-O~!

With a 'gotta' here and a 'love me' there~,

Here I am, there I am, cuz i'm the only-"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Charlene as she grabbed the bat from Baby, who started crying. Fran then got into the car's driver seat after filling the vehicle's tank.

"MAMA, SISSY HURT ME!" screeched Baby.

"Did not!" said Charlene.

"Everyone be quiet!" Fran stated, "We've got a long road ahead of us with not much time to lose! Buckle up; things are going to get… bumpy!"

(To be continued)


	6. Chapter 6

(Evening, Vaalbara Point)

The WeSaySo business meeting was being held open-air on Vaalbara Point's widest promontory, with an amazing view of the volcano across the valley. Tables were set up all over, and executives and workers alike were busy chatting or fearing for the worst. What fed this fear was WeSaySo CEO Mr. Ashland, who was staring at his workers like a queen bee.

Oh, and the fact that B. P. Richfield was suddenly alive may have also contributed to the unease.

Mr. Ashland put his claw to the mic to test it, then began to speak.

"Hello, fellow WeSaySo associates," he announced cheerfully, "Welcome to another company business meeting! It's our dream to keep moving forward, and you and I both know working together can make dreams happen! Now, are there any questions before we continue?"

"Yeah, can you explain why Bradley is suddenly alive?" said a lower-class worker, "I thought he burned to death in that oil rig accident!"

"Richfield did not die," Ashland lied, "After the accident, he was treated by top-notch medical professionals and took an extended leave to recover so he can join us on this day! You must be confusing him with B. B. Ricefeed, a worker who DID go up in flames."

"Oh," the worker said as he sat back down.

"That reminds me, though!" Ashland said as he produced a gold medallion from his back pocket, "I'd like to personally award Chuck Cambior for keeping Richfield's department running while he was off duty. Come up here, Mr. Cambior!"

The Gallimimus who served as Richfield's replacement, and a person who Earl really looked up to, got out of his seat and approached the podium. Just as he reached the podium, Ashland threw the gold medallion off into the valley. Seeing his cue, Richfield ran to Cambior and tackled him to the ground. With a swipe, Richfield ripped the poor dinosaur's head clean off and ate it. There were many gasps from the audience, with Earl's being among the loudest.

"What? That medal was pyrite anyway," Ashland remarked to his audience.

Earl leapt out of his chair, ran to the podium, and confronted the CEO.

"How can you do this?" Earl said angrily, "I've seen our development branch accomplish great things under Cambior's command!"

"Richfield is an irreplaceable asset," said Ashland, "besides, the stuff Cambior was developing isn't profitable."

Just then, two bodyguards came running from the meeting's "entrance" to the podium.

"Mr. Ashland, we have a problem." said one of the bodyguards, "There's an armored guy trying to get-"

The bodyguard couldn't finish, as his and the other guard's heads were smashed together by the exact guy he was mentioning: An armored blue, stocky dinosaur. SPIKE!

Everyone gasped. Ashland put his arm into the air.

"This meeting is dismissed early for security reasons!" he said, "please do not return home as we will be continuing it tomorrow morning!" Everyone left the meeting area, leaving only Earl and Spike.

"Hey Mr. S!" yelled Spike, "You so protective of your daughter that you tried to kill me? I don't like that!"

"Spike, please!" Earl said. As they were exchanging words, Spike was slowly backing Earl to the edge of the cliff.

"I thought we were like family, but you only see me as a pestilent fool!" yelled Spike.

"Look, I'm sorry! I was trying to protect Charlene! You're a shady person and I didn't know what to do!"

"I'm TRYING to be good these days! you're the one trying to shove a wedge in everything! It's not my fault your daughter likes me!"

"As I said, I'm worried for her safety! Plus I'm ALSO TRYING to be a better parent!"

"You crossed the line when you left home intending to knock me out," Spike said as he got ready to punch Earl off the cliff, "Face the consequences."

Then suddenly, a voice spoke out from behind.

"Spike! don't do this to my father!" Robbie shouted. He was there with Charlene at his side. Fran was behind both of them holding Baby.

"Scooter?" said Spike as he turned his head.

"I know my dad has done some things," Robbie said, "but he's still my father, and my sister's! You wouldn't want to kill the father of your best friend and girlfriend, would you?"

"I wouldn't want to live with a guy who I know murdered my father," Charlene pleaded, "You don't have to do this!"

"Personally, if you wanted to be in a relationship with Charlene, I wouldn't have a problem," continued Robbie, "In fact, I'd be happy for both of you!"

Spike started to think about the whole situation. Earl stood up beside him.

"And dad," Charlene said to her father, "Spike is trying to be a good person, and I know it! It's just like you said you'd try to be a better father! You let Robbie date your boss's daughter, so you should have no problem with me dating that man!"

"You can only truly protect your kids for so long!" Fran said.

Earl took a moment to think, then looked at Spike.

"Spike, I'm truly sorry for trying to kill you," Earl said, "If you want to have a relationship with my daughter, that's fine by me."

"Thanks, and I'm sorry for trying to kill you too, Mr S." Spike said.

Suddenly, the moment was interrupted by a huge explosion sound. Everyone turned to the volcano across the valley, which was now starting to erupt.

(Meanwhile, closer to the volcano…)

Gorm and Shao Kahn stood proudly. They successfully made a volcano erupt and generate the electricity needed to get back to Outworld. They watched as a portal materialized in front of both them and the tables they stole from Meteor Tiki Lounge.

"Quick! get those into the portal fast!" Kahn yelled at three dinosaurs he enslaved. The dinos complied and threw the tables into the portal. Since they were witnesses, Kahn, in huge chop, decapitated all of them.

SHAO KAHN WINS

TRIPLE FATALITY!

"Alright, let us get out of here." said Gorm. He and Kahn walked through the portal, which closed soonafter.

(Back at Vaalbara point…)

Earl watched as the pyroclastic clouds spewed quickly from the volcano's top and shrugged.

"We somehow survived one apocalypse, I think we can do it again." he said.

THE END

(I grant permission for reuploading this comedic story for archival purposes only. Just give credit to me, coolcat9, the original author.)


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